Reflections

People say that being a mom changes you, and I totally expected that. But man, it really changes you.

I’ve been a mother for close to four months now and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. Who is this person I see in the mirror holding a beautiful baby?

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It’s not the same girl who worked long hours at a newspaper and plotted half-marathon training plans. It’s not the cat lady wine drinker who’d take off on weekend getaways with her husband. That girl is still in there somewhere, but…

Now it’s someone in a loose t-shirt with a pony-tail making faces in the mirror to her baby. Snapping endless cellphone pics and texting them to her parents and family back home in Ontario (who she misses now more than ever). Someone who has bored and lonely days along with overwhelming and joyful and fulfilling days. Someone who thought she knew a lot about babies but who now finds herself Googling things like “how to get your baby to nap” and calling medical hotlines and making unnecessary doctor appointments.

It’s someone who spends hours in a rocking chair and who recently spent good money on a pair of jeans a couple sizes bigger than those she wore pre-pregnancy.

Someone who thought maternity leave would be a cake-walk but who has only recently stopped feeling scared every day.

I’m still getting to know this new person.

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April Runs On

A writer who loves to run, often while chasing a toddler on the east coast

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